Stupidity
by Alyssa.x
Summary: How stupid can Emmett be? Hopfully, this will give you an idea. Funny, I think.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Me – Dear God, I wish I owned Twilight.

God's reply – Nuh-uh, Ain't happin' sucka. Make your own story.

(Don't Dis The Lord. Or I personally will find you. And hurt you worse than Jane ever can.)

Stupidity

Emmett POV

Everyone was sitting in the living room, bored. Renesme was with Jacob, hunting. _Maybe she would eat the mutt, _I thought. Edward laughed.

"She should," he said. Everyone thought he went crazy.

"Oh, I get it." Alice said.

"Okay, guys. Spill." Bella's so bossy.

" I thought Nessie should eat Jacob."Bella scowled. But then let it go.

_-After an hour-_

I was thinking what we can do. Then I thought of it.

"Hey, guys, let's play –"

"NO!"

Edward and Alice were glaring at me. Bella and Jasper looked at us questioningly. Rose said, " He wants to play truth or dare, doesn't he?" flipping through the pages of her Vogue magazine.

Bella blushed. _Ha, she's reliving the last time,_ I thought.

-Flashback –

"I hate you, Emmett!" she said as she stormed to her bedroom, preparing for the dare.

She came back dressed in a black mini skirt that barely covered her toushee (butt). Her red Tank top's neckline plunged dangerously low, even for Rosie. And it hugged it hugged her torso tight, emphasizing her boo-

"Stupid, overprotective mind reader! SHIT!" I yelled as Edward struggled against Jasper , trying to tear me apart.

" Guys! I'd rather not do the dare but I have to. If you wanna see it, stop trying to kill each other. Please."

_God, Bella was bossy. Hey, she has a new nickname- Bella Bossy Bit-_

CRASH!

This time it was both Edward and Alice. _Okay, honestly, this was getting old and I was getting sore._

" Emmett, What I will do to you will take away your ability to think and you will have no future!" _Uh-oh, I unleashed the fury of the psychic pixie._ " One more, Emmett, I dare you to piss me off one more time!" They both got off me and we piled into the car, driving to Newton Household.

When we got there, we all hid in the bushes.

"Sorry Bells, but its time." Alice said.

Bella got up and rang the doorbell. "What!?!" Nick, Mike's son, said. Bellsy pressed her lips to his for five seconds. Then disappeared.

Next thing I heard was Bellsy and Eddie-boy getting it on to the extreme. Near M rated…

"Get a room!" I yelled. They reluctantly separated and we ran towards the car.

-End of Flashback -

I laughed and Eddie-boy glared back.

Bella looked up. I put my very best puppy-dog face. She laughed.

"You"- giggles- "looked" –giggles- "so" –giggles- "funny!" Everyone else was laughing too.

"Fine!" She was so easy to persuade. "But I start!" And there goes the happiness.

"Fine!"

"Emmett, I dare you to –"

"I didn't pick dare!"

"But you always pick dare…" she said knowingly.

"Oh, yeah! Carry on."

"I dare you to –"

"OhmygoshnessBellayourebrilliant!" Alice. Edward laughed seeing the vision too. I swear I heard him say, "That's my girl."

"OK, yall. Can she finish the dare!?!" The suspense was killing me (even if I'm already dead).

"OK. No interruptions. I dare you to ask Nick Newton to prom-"

"Pssh, it's so easy." And I was scared. She normally does better than this. Better than me.

Bella smiled. "There's a catch. You have to say it seductively and if he says yes, you have you take him to prom." She smiled wider. "And kiss him. Later to be put on the glorious YouTube, that Alice will tell EVERYONE to watch. Sorry Rose."

I was shocked. _THIS WAS BAD._ And everyone was laughing.

Rosalie spoke up. "Its okay, Bells. I have to stay home anyway AND FIX OUR CLOSET SINCE SOMEBODY MADE IT A DORA THE EXPORER SANTUARY!"

Everyone laughed harder, but I stood my ground. "What?!? She totally rocks!"

Edward stood. "No, she doesn't. SpongeBob does."

Then, Jasper stood. "I have to disagree! Phineas and Ferb totally raise the roof!"

Then as if on cue, we all lunged at each other. I aimed at Jasper, he aimed at Edward and Edward aimed at me. And then the chaos began.

- Bella's POV –

This was so much better than truth or dare. I was about to get the video camera when I saw Alice had it. "Hey Alice, when did you start taping?"

"Ever since the game started, so that means we have Emmett's reaction to the dare on tape!"

Eventually, an hour passed. _Yeah – I know, AN HOUR! _It got old so … "Boys!"

All three stopped to look at me. "If you don't stop, we will post this on the YouTube." I gestured to Alice, who was trying to turn it off. "Red button, Alice." I turned back to the boys.

They looked like deer caught in headlights. They rushed to their respective mates with a chorus of "Please don't" and "I beg you." I even heard Emmett say " You don't want to be caught dating a wimp, do you?"

Rosalie responded, "Then I won't date you." Emmett's eyes were like saucers. Rosalie said, "Don't pull the puppy-dog face card. I've grown immune."

I turned to Edward. He whispered into my ear, "You don't want to do that, Isabella." He began to kiss my jaw from ear to ear. My knees began to grow weak when I realized what he was doing.

"Cheater! We will put this-"

Alice laughed, "It's already on."

The boys, again, looked like deer caught in headlights. The girls left the room, laughing. We laughed harder when Jasper said, "You had to make that comment, Emmett."


	2. Scientific Mishaps Cause

This is for you, FreakyFlutePlayingAlineMason!

Disclaimer: Mr. Genie-Okay, you may have one wish, but there is only one rule-you can't wish for Twilight!

Me-You suck!

Mr. Genie-Well, that's what everyone says when they wish for when I tell them the about the rule.

**Scientific Mishaps**

Bella's POV

Emmett and I were both walking to science together. Emmett was talking to himself while I was thinking about what Alice said.

_Science could get a little interesting._

That was bad. Very Bad.

We sat down at our table in the back, nearest to the fire exit just in case of any accidents. "Okay, class. Turn to page 378 for today's lab. Your partners are the people sitting beside you." He threw a glare at Nick Newton who always asked to be my partner. "Equipment are on the side tables."

"I'll do it," I said, shuddering at the thought of the disastrous possibilities if I had let Emmett do it. There was a possibility of fires-not exactly good for flammable, sparkly vampires- explosions, homicides…

After taking a swift look at the list of what was needed, I headed for the boxes at the sides of the classroom. I took what was needed and returned to our table and burst out laughing.

Emmett was trying to repair my textbook because Edward through it at him for having dirty thoughts about the female population of our household. Now, his face was shiny from the tape that wrapped his whole head and body. Emmett was wriggling in the tape, being one of the rare weaknesses yet being such a common thing, made him unsuccessful.

"Ahh! It burns! I'm melting! Help me! The burning!"

Was he that stupid? Didn't Alice see this? Of course she did. _Science could get a little interesting. _My phone buzzed.

Alice: Emmett is so stupid. ROFL

Bella: He's ROFTHD.

Alice: What's ROFTHD?

Bella: Rolling On the Floor Thinking He's Dying

Alice: LOL- I saw that in my vision. Don't text back-Mr. Banner alert.

I looked up just in time to see Mr. Banner do the same. Nice save, Alice. I stuffed my phone in my back pocket at lightning speed and turned to Emmett. He was lying on the floor,still with his tongue hanging out from his mouth. After taking a picture, I placed him on a table ( when no one was looking), and stripped the tape away. Then he burst to life.

"I'm alive. Thanks, Bells. You're a life saver-no, wait, scratch that, existence saver!"

"Emmett, sit down. I'll do the lab, while you behave." I said this to him slowly, like I was talking to a kindergartener. Well, that's his mental capacity.

I did the lab. It was fairly easy-the effect of fertilizer. The bell rang and I exited class while Mr. Banner asked Emmett to stay behind. A smug smile crept up my face. YAY! No Emmett for an extra hour. I wonder- what can I do to his Jeep while he's in detention…?


	3. Scientific Mishaps Effect

(AN: This story will never be complete. It's something I do when I feel bored or have a great idea.)

Disclaimer: Bill Gates-For every penny I have, your request for Twilight has been rejected.

Me- How much is that?

Bill Gates- A lot.

Me- How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly? (LOL – Twilight pg.294, line 18-paperback)

Bill Gates – More than you will ever have the ability to count.

Me – Are you calling me stupid?

Bill Gates – Maybe…….

Me – Okay.

Scientific Mishaps – Effect

Bella's POV

Emmett and I walked to class in silence. I told him to behave today since Alice gave me another warning –_ If you thought science last week was entertaining, think again._

We walked into class just as the bell rang. Mr. Banner walked into class also.

"Okay, class. Please get your plants from the windowsill and collect data, interpret the data, and draw conclusions."

One person got up and got their plants. I saw Nick Newton and Jennifer Stanley arguing about how Nick didn't put enough water while Jenny didn't do anything at all. Lillian Mallory and Erin Yorkie were arguing about who should have put in the fertilizer. Only Angel and Beni Cheney (Angela and Ben got married and had twins), and I were the only ones who were successful. I put my plants down if front of Emmett and asked him in sweet, kindergarten-teacher voice, "Emmett, are you sure you can do this? Remember- stay in your seat, and don't move unless that's talking, okay? And no screaming. Break one rule and kiss your manly Jeep goodbye."

"Positive."

"Okay. Now, what is the difference between Plant A"- I gestured to the first plant that had no fertilizer-"and Plant B?" I gestured toward the other plant that had fertilizer.

He looked at them both. Then his eyes widened. "HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS BEAN'S ON STEROIDS!!!!!!!!!!!WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR STEROIDS, HUH?!?!?!?!?!?! WHERE?!?!?!?!"

The room quieted. They all looked at him like he was a nutcase. I couldn't blame them – he was. I should ask Alice what asylum she went to. My phone buzzed.

Alice : That's mean, Bells. =(

Bella : What is? :-/

Alice : "Alice, what asylum did you go to?"

Bella : Sorry

Alice : It's okay.

I turned back to Emmett. Grabbing him by the shirt and dragged him outside. I opened my door and pulled out a can of spray paint.

That was pink.

"C'mon, Bells! I wasn't that bad! Please, Rose'll kill me!-Wait, I'm dead, so she'll hurt me! She almost did last time when she had to repaint the Jeep! Pretty please!"

"Emmett, I told you. One wrong move and there will be consequences. This"- I gestured to the spray paint-"is the consequence."

Then I spray painted something so bad Rose was sure to kill him. I sprayed……

AN: The polls aren't working so….

Q: What do you think Bella spray painted?

Rosalie Hale is a hoe!

Isabella swan is more fucking delicious than Rosalie Hale.

All Blondes are stupid- especially Rosalie Hale

Rosalie Hale sucks my dick every night!

Contest! – Who ever review's the best plot for the next Chapter gets a dedication!

Review Please! It makes me happy!


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